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Grand Lilac

by Grand Lilac

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1.
Day Job 03:11
I wanna shake you off Your high, high horse Once and for everyone Now what’s that cost? I’ll scrape dimes up From the asphalt Or keep my day job Ha ha ha When the water’s low The weeds still grow And all the flowers are The first to go You were bright before And beautiful But you dried up Ha ha ha So keep your day job Ha ha ha Now you play solitaire Card by card And don’t know what got you there But its your fault You played a perfect game That no one saw So keep your day job Ha ha ha
2.
Patterns 05:01
You paint the nicest view Our lens to see you through But there’s another side Where nothing is a gift And everything’s a bribe And I’ve been watching you The way you shed your skin When sunlight’s creeping in So they don’t recognize You’re just another him And once you’re in You’re taking what no one gave You just like to see people bend ‘til they break No level of control Could ever make you whole But you’re still gonna try To fix the wobbly chair That wobbles 'til you die It doesn’t feel fair It used to get you high To have them in your palm Now nothing gets you there And nothing takes you home Thats when you’ll know That all that you thought was you Was defined by the people you abused And that’s still true But time wasn’t kind to you And your skin doesn’t shed like it used to You can say you’re sorry but that don’t make it true We will not abide these patterns of abuse You are nothing, nothing, there never was a you We will not abide these patterns of abuse
3.
It’s since been deemed a criminal act But back in my day Street sign theft to show where you’ve been Was a mainstay No one wore shoes Or helmets We were hard headed Parents bereft Expectations be damned It was one in the box And two in the can I wish I was my own private planet Somewhere to run when things got bad If I had the guts to love empty handed Just orbit the sun And spin where I stand And be one with the box And two with the can I hope you die and it never stops raining I’ll catch a train to the port of versailles Close both my eyes And trust in my training I know how to cry I’m just tired of explaining I’ll be one dollar spent On two hundred dimes
4.
Just Coffee 04:35
I guess you chose And that’s the way it goes I’ve played it back 100 times I can’t believe I froze Day would rise And weary, I would drive To wash the tables, scrub the floors And wish I felt alive 
 You’d be standing there in scrubs And I’d be saying something dumb That look in your eye I never found out what it was I left home and that was that Missed you next time I came back I guess I assumed we’d have Another chance You weren’t like anyone I’d met I wanted you to find me charming It hasn’t happened yet A common language I thought would bring us close But soon enough I’d said my peace And you became a ghost I thought it was an answered prayer A finished song, a minor scare I nearly crashed your car Trying to get us there I wonder if it's crossed your mind Now that we’ve both had some time I guess some stories end On the opening line We kept it light But you seemed so uptight We walked through blooming meadows But it never felt quite right Overcast, by shadows from the past You never really saw me there And soon the whole thing lapsed And for whatever reason You never bothered breaking through Whatever held you back From something new And I still wonder where you went And what of all that time we spent? Round peg in a square hole Or handprints in cement?
5.
Ursula Major 03:05
I won’t interfere No I won’t enter fear I won’t pick you up from where you are To put you here You are not my center And I am not your sphere I wish these days would pass We take the old thing back But I’m not in the business of putting rabbits back in hats I’m not a good magician But I used to make you laugh Ursula Major The only constellation I could call My only consolation with you gone And I just hope you’re getting what you want My big dipper Bucket for big boy tears to fall Summer’s making fools of us all I wish that you would say its not my fault
6.
Control 05:32
Day is growing dark And I have burns from your sparks And I’m too drunk to drive But I guess its just a couple blocks As soon as I get home I feel totally alone I try to crack the code With the pictures on my phone I’ve never been afraid to die I’m just afraid to go outside Of finding what I always find There’s nothing in the world that’s mine And I can’t seem to find control And I’m no good at letting go But I’ve carried more than I can hold Control I know this is wrong Everybody tells me so They’re telling me move on Telling me to slow my roll But why should I avoid letting nature take its toll? Here I am, destroyed Here is where my flowers grow I used to pray that I would die Too afraid to go outside Of finding what Id always find There’s nothing in the world that’s mine And I can’t seem to find control And I’m no good at letting go But I’ve carried more than I can hold Control The grass is growing tall Along the edges of the fence The paint chips off the walls When you’re in love it all makes sense Fall is blowing in I watch the colors change again I used to be a leaf Now I feel more like the wind There isn’t much to die I guess All I really have is breath So quiet on the human set I’ll gnash my teeth and beat my chest Cause I will never find control And I’m no good at letting go But I’ve carried more than I can hold Control I can’t seem to find control And I’m no good at letting go But I’ve carried more than I can hold Control
7.
I sat in the shade No longer afraid Of being out of the sunlight And into the moonlight Like a spotlight I’m hiding in plain sight And playing a chord I’m no longer bored I’m losing the war To end all wars So I brush my teeth And I take my seat On a bus downtown Where the buildings are taller And I’m smaller You’ll never find me now Sorry and sore Caught up in the score I’ve surrendered the war To end all wars Well, aren’t things simpler now With the walls torn down? Swords into plows All we need now is to forget So I sit like a dog At the door of disaster And I wait for my master Who never throws me a bone When I ask her So I don’t count the days Like I did before White flag on my porch Reminisce on the war To end all wars
8.
Saturn’s fall from his own throne The season of no heading home Sirens fall on old Saint Paul And nothing’s here that isn’t gone Called to rest and join them all I feel the small, unmoving sun Tumble off the clouds Like certain doom upon the crowds Who chased the moon Every train that buzzes past My patch of green, with insect wings Carries me so far and fast To somewhere I will never be Dead, to know the quiet threat That makes a life of pure regret Drawn and quartered out A labored shout A blue-eyed croon We chased the moon I told you so Everyone as you’d expect Is wasted on the newest heck Hawks abound to prey Upon the youth Like new tattoos We chased the moon
9.
Red light Red paint My sky Someday Cold eye Coat tails Rode high Limp sails Where pain lies I’m falling in To the pools where the unforgiven swim In the shade of the tree that brought us in And you’ll say “I never thought I’d see this place again” White paint Blue light Sunday My sky Dawn’s grace Night’s quiet I’ll say "That’s fine."
10.
Kick off my shoes and socks And wonder where you’ve gone It’s not like you to stand me up, but then I don’t even know who you are, my friend Cause you say me when I say us You say down when I say up You say walk, and I say run Strangers in love The bells that ring decay The flowers wilt away Seems like everything moves in time one way It'll happen to you and I someday You'll say like when I say love I'll say more, you'll say enough You will push, and I will shove Strangers in love Regret can go two ways With stones unturned or raised Even if it's just bugs and worms below There's a part of me that just has to know You say magic, I say luck I see water, you see blood As below, so above Strangers in love

credits

released June 16, 2023

Contributors:
Nora Nygard - Drums on tracks 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 10
Austin Cecil - Drums on tracks 2, 8
Michael Oberlander - Bass on tracks 1, 3, 10
Anna Neighbors - Vocals on tracks 1, 6, 10
Manny “Costco” - Violin on track 2
Paul Neighbors - Trumpet on track 8
Laura Antus - Trombone on track 8
Jill Zimmerman - Vocals on track 5
Robert Kramer - All other vocals/instrumentation, mixing
Gus Elg - Mastering

Songs written and arranged by Robert Kramer

Drums for tracks 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 10 recorded by Nora Nygard at Makoche in Bismarck, ND.

Grand Lilac's portion of all digital sales collected in 2023 have been donated to Transgender Law Center and The Trevor Project. Thank you for your generosity! If you wish to donate to these causes moving forward, please do so directly.

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Grand Lilac Saint Paul, Minnesota

Indie pop from the Twin Cities. Songs by Robert Kramer.

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